That time of the month

The usual saying says that girls have that time of the month, hence better stay away because they'd be emo and have unpredictable mood swings.

I also have have that time of the month (or months).

I've noticed that i will be emo and down after a long "high" period, which is normal, seeing that there is a theory of regression.

So here it comes, raining, life in the pits, future uncertain.

Where am i?
I am:

• poor still, at the age of 26
• still not quite sure of direction in lfie
• just like i was a year ago
• still happy i got a bit more freedom than others at the cost of my "stable" future

What have we become? We became cynics! CYNICS!

Recently there was an uproar over a viral video stating a tyrant kidnapping children to be child soldiers and if you are ever around the internet, you should have seen it at least in the headlines.

I was considerably upset, because the internet age has converted us into people who are distrustful and just want to show off how "smart" we are. I applaud the internet for making things that were previously unknown more known to us who are comfortable in our positions.

But the amount of oppositions of that particular video has made me wail in anger. What turns out to be an awareness cause turned to hatred and turned to bullying of those who thinks they are better than the rest!

They gave opposing articles, videos, and informed the rest of the world how smart they were by not falling into gimmicks and emotional manipulation tactics. But i say to these people, have you fucking done a single thing in your life otherwise?

If no, fuck off! Stop trying to put a cork into something that can motivate people to do something, at least they are doing something. Are you? Cynics!

Just tired of having people saying otherwise to me and to the rest of the world.

We live and die by our decisions, we don't need idiots to tell us and direct us when it already tough to make our own decision.

Let me live, let me live.

Untitled

Regardless of what most people say, i really appreciate the rain, it makes the weather that more bearable, the sound of rain pouring down onto the floor is soothing and the thought of it cleansing the earth is comforting.

A quarter of the year is almost done what has happened?

Death, memories, excitement, opportunities, fatigue, sore and all kinds of things are happening, and yet, still not that fulfilling, i love meeting with people, and through them i always learn a bit more about myself and others.

As life continues to pick up, i just hope that it is for the better.

Year Ahead

The one thing to remind myself, is that i am 26 and still as poor as ever.

The other thing to remind myself, is that i'm gonna make this a kickass year.

So, let's hope for something good to turn out!

Being Perfect

I am a broken man in a broken world.

For what good is a perfect man in a perfect world?

He has not tasted hunger, and have not been overjoyed when received food.

Has not thirst and be restored at a sip of water.

He knows no sadness, no tears rolling down his cheek.

No hope for there is no need of hope.

No despair, no love for all is perfect.

There is no darkness to contrast the light.

No evil to have good.

No joy of helping another, no appreciation of what is dying.

No pain, no fear.

No experience of the joy of being in love.

For what good is a man if he is perfect and everything is nothing but perfect?

He knows no sorrow for there is none.

No hatred, no imperfections to repair, no moral values to consider.

No thoughts that tears him apart, no decisions that will impact him or any other.

No sowing, no reaping, no putting your hands in the dirt.

He has everything he needs and wants, and even that is naught because everything is perfect.

A man truly lives when he sweat tears and blood.

When he finds hope amidst hopeless times.

Salvation on the other end of the spectrum.

A man truly loves when he finds it, truly gives because others needs it.

He will mourn and wail, weeps and cries.

But he will also laugh and smile, appreciate and be grateful.

For all that is imperfect, it makes up a meaningful life.

He could die unfulfilled, but he dies and lived.

He could die striving for an unattainable goal, but he dies trying.

He could die and suffer the most horrific death, but hoped.

He enjoys the birth of his child, and feels lost when the child dies.

He could lose the battle, but died defending what he believes him.

None of that can come to pass in a perfect world.

I am a broken man in a broken world.

And there is nothing i would change of it.

She's going

...she will be gone.

Being Two-5

Being 25 is an accomplishment by itself, you've survived this far and you're at best 3 quarters away from death or at least halfway through your life!

At this point you're probably into your job for the first year, into your masters or PhD years, or looking for a job, and also figuring what the fuck is it you actually want to do for the rest of your crappy life!

No easy answers, and plenty of articles, blogs and motivational speakers would have told you how to!

Well, here is a few tips from someone who is 25:

• Fuck peer pressure and cultural expectations (note: me is Chinese), yeap, that's right! Oh don't get me wrong, i feel the goddamned pressure every fucking day! Ok, maybe not every day like days i play board games, watch some nice movie and/or generally napping for more than 2 hours! But what i really meant was that your friends and peers and do whatever the hell they want, but you don't have to conform! Well, to put it bluntly, if you're not into the corporate world, don't jump into it because you "have" to, or "should". If it's money that's currently worrying you, do some part time jobs or take up some job that you don't mind doing while slowly figuring your way there. This makes total sense, because what you choose to do could very well be something you'll be doing for an extended period of time, and if you simply do it just because, you might be miserable. So take some time, do some odd jobs or take up some admin jobs and figure out what your strengths are and where your passion lies and what can you do best be complemented by it!
• Peer pressure is going to mindfuck you! - Yeap, as to build upon the earlier point - being who we are, people around us tend to be our benchmarks for success in life. My friends are earning way more than i do, travelling the world now and seeing a whole lot of things while i sit down and write this stupid blog post. I feel like shit, but important thing is to not lose focus, you might take 10 years to get to where you are, but at least you're getting there, so you could lose on getting new gadgets, eating fancy food, but if you're happy with where you are heading, peer pressure can be overcome.
• Action! - This is where most people mess up! We do not take action, we tend to like to think of hypothetical scenarios rather than experiencing them, don't get me wrong, you might end up worse off than before, but you know what? At the very least, you've tried. No "What if" looming in your minds, no "Maybe this might have happened", none of those! What's left is "Where do I go now?" You take an action to move on, you stay where you are playing safe you might just be stagnant! Well, playing safe has its merits, most important is to check your goals to see if that is the best course of action.
• Have hope, believe in yourself - I won't kid you, some people die without even being close to their dream, but as my previous point has stated, no "What if" situations. Always believe you can do it, but always always be realistic, if you know you ain't gonna be no rock star, then maybe switch it up to something more practical! Compromises can be made as long as you're happy.
• Brain - Yeap, use your freaking brain! God gave us brain (for those who believe in higher beings) and if we don't use them to think ahead, think through, plan and make decisions, then all my points are moot! And for you people who like to say "God will direct me", it doesn't mean you sit there waiting for shit to happen, it means you gotta just trust whatever step you're taking will be guided by God, don't sit there, move!

And that is probably half of what i intended to write, i just got lazy! But it should get some of you started off, if that is anyone willing to take advice from a struggling citizen whose dreams are as far as it could be from him.

This Period of Time

It always comes down to this period of time, where you truly sit down and think things through.

Always at one point or another, i'd think i'm doing alright, just waiting patiently to get there, waiting for my time to come, and that all i have been doing up to that point was needed in order to get to where i wanted to be.

I think it's an innate ability of any human to deceive themselves that they are justified in what they are doing.

It is a good and bad thing.

No real right or wrong.

I could sleep for hours upon hours, and yet still be tired.
Or even busy myself day after day and still feeling aimless.
I could dream of things beyond things yet still feel grounded.
And live a life that is utterly and disappointingly pointless.

I could walk and traverse this world yet be back where i once stood.
I could fly on wings of the eagle but still be stagnant and unmoved.
Wade through rivers and walk through deserts all that i could.
But end up disbelieving in all and be unloved.

How do i continuously deceive my own heart?
So that i can make it to the end of my being?
Not thinking of life's broken pieces and shards.
Not wondering about anything at all; continue deceiving.

I write and write for pages so long.
I speak and speak in poems and song.
I talk and talk to people and more.
But still feel the emptiness' sore.

I breathe.
I live.
I love.
I die.

I am me.